You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
