i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
