the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
