I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
