halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
