i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
