Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
