last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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