I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
