I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
