Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
