I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
