Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
