like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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