quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
