Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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