You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
