I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
