I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
