Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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