What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
