My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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