I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
