allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The best revenge is premature balding
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's rum buckets o'clock
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
