Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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