do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
