I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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