Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
