I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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