Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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