Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
