maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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