I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
