I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
