Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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