Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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