Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
