can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
