remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
