The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
