I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
