The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
