hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
