Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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