Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
