absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
