thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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