i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
