somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
