I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
