I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
