hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
