New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
