well you can't waste a boner
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
